Promises
by madeinfrance
Summary: She kissed the back of his neck, once, twice, and he released a sigh. He turned his head towards her, and she put one on his cheek as well. Her next words came out almost as a whisper. "Are you going to tell me what's been on your mind, lately?" Lidia x Francisco, post season 4.


Quietly shutting the door behind her, she made her way down the familiar corridor, the faint light coming from its end guiding her. Her neck ached again. It always did, whenever stress or tiredness were taking over.

God knew they had been, those past few days.

Moving her head slowly from side to side to try and soothe the pain, she squarred her shoulders, standing a little straigher. All of that could wait.

For now, there was something much more important to take care of. _Someone._

Silencing the fear waking in her stomach, she crossed the treshhold and pushed her own door closed as she took her last steps towards the window. Her arms closed around him, then, and his free hand immediately came to rest on her joined ones, over his stomach.

Standing up on her toes, she burried her face in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes, breathing him in, and everything instantly felt - calmer. Safer. Better.

It amazed her, how after all this time, he could still do that, simply by being.

"Did the little monster go down without a fight tonight?" She snorted.

"You know that privilege is only reserved for you. And yes, Asunción and I still hate you for it, so don't worsen your case with your bragging."

She felt as much as she heard his chuckle, and a delicious warmth grew in her whole body.

"Don't be jealous now, my love: I'm sure she loves you too. I mean, not as much as she loves me, clearly, but still."

Despite the smile on her own face, she pinched his side to wipe the smirk she couldn't see but knew existed from his face. "You're an idiot."

His laughter eventually died and silence settled down, only disturbed by the muffled street noices beneath them, and his intakes of cigarette. She got lost in the lights, those infinite, bright lights that seemed to know no end. Moving, flickering.

The thin material of his night shirt felt smooth against her face, and not for the first time, she wondered how he could not feel cold in those damn winter temperatures.

Despite the fire gently singing in the chimney, in that time of year, she could never get a good night of sleep unless his body was wrapped around hers, keeping her warm.

Then again, winter nights weren't the only ones she needed him right next to her.

Lidia wasn't sure how much time passed before he spoke again.

"I didn't thought I would, but I love the city."

She smiled. "Me too."

She kissed the back of his neck, once, twice, and he released a sigh. He turned his head towards her, and she put one on his cheek as well.

Her next words came out almost as a whisper. "Are you going to tell me what's been on your mind, lately?"

He didn't answer right away.

For a moment, she was afraid he wasn't at all. That he'd just smile and change the subject, just like every time her questionning eyes had tried to find his over the last couple of days.

Putting the rest of his cigarette away, Francisco leant back on the wall and against her, his thumb drawing invisible patterns on the back of her hand. He shrugged.

"It's nothing."

She tightened her grip, grazing a gentle kiss on his shoulder. "I thought we told each other everything, now."

And they did.

On that day they took the boat that brought them away from the pain, the lies, they promised each other that from now on, it was just them, honest, together. And, until very recently, that promise was kept.

She could feel the tension in his shoulders, now, deep in his flesh, and before she could add anything, he was escaping from her touch. Her eyes followed him as he went to sit on their bed, elbows on his knees, head down, still not looking at her.

With every second that passed, her heart was beating faster, threatening to burst out of her chest.

She knew what was wrong, of course.

For two days now, every part of her had wanted to ignore it, but deep down, she knew she will have to face it at some point, no matter how painful it would be.

She tried to ignore how it was already wrenching her insides, when he hadn't even said it out loud yet.

Taking a small breath, she willed her voice to stay steady. "Francisco, I - I understand."

It was her turn to avoid his gaze now, even if she could feel his eyes on her face. She turned hers on the city lights once more, closing her arms to tighten her robe around herself.

"When I told you everything that happened since I arrived at the Phone Company to help you remember, I did my best to only speak the truth. And I thought it was good enough, but - "

_No._ Now was not the time for tears.

Breathing in, she turned to look at him, finally meeting his beautiful, confused brown eyes. Despite the storm inside her, she smiled.

"But if all the memories you got back change things for you, I understand. I wasn't always fair to you, I made mistakes, and - "

"Lidia - "

"- I didn't chose you, and I -"

"Lidia, stop."

Her eyes traveled back to his at that. There was a new understanding behind them. "Do you think having my memory back makes me want to leave you?"

She was taken aback so suddenly, it made her head light. The words rushed out before she could restrain them.

"Doesn't it?" and her own shock registered on his face now. "Ever since Wednesday, I feel like you've been - different. Distant."

He was. She knew him enough to know that he was.

Ever since they arrived in New-York a few months ago, and for the first time since they met as children, they could finally be together. No accidents, no drama, no one or nothing to come between them - they made it, and Lidia had never felt so at peace. So complete. So - happy.

Never.

They had a_ life,_ and she loved every single bit of it: the drawings Eva brought back from pre-school, the way Asunción always sweared in Spanish whenever taxis honked crazily. The challenges of her job, how amazing Francisco had done with his club, how much he loved it, how much his partners liked him. The laugh of Eva when she first got to play in the snow, the kindness of their next door neighbour.

Francisco's smiles in the morning, hair going in every direction and eyes barely opened.

But for two days now, he had his memories back, all of them now, and for two days, she'd noticed his half-hearted smiles, his furrowed eyebrows, his eyes getting lost far away. The lack of his kisses, of his hand in hers, of his hands on her.

Surely -

"I love you, Lidia." His words snapped her back to reality, and she looked up to see him extend his hand towards her.

She closed the distance and took it without hesitation, and her heart skipped a beat when he kissed both of her hands, lingering a little before looking up at her again.

"I love you," he said again. His smile was so kind, so tender. "I always have, I always will." Francisco chuckled, almost amused now. "If anything, having all of my memory back makes me love you even more. Didn't know that was possible."

He stopped, as if trying to find the right words, then looked back at her, his smile now sad on his beautiful face. "That's why I want the best for you. And with everything coming back to me so suddenly, I've been thinking, and I guess a part of me is worried that I'm - that I'm not what's best."

For a moment, Lidia was silent, understanding finally dawning on her.

_Oh._ Of course.

She should have known. How could she not?

"You think I'm only with you because Carlos isn't here. Because he lied to me."

They stared at each other for a few seconds, his silence speaking volume.

"It's not - "

_"Francisco."_

He sighed, and she could see it now. The same fear she'd been feeling for two days, inked in his features.

"It's not that exactly. I know you love me. I just - I guess deep down, a part of me knows more than ever that you and Eva and him, you were a family. That before we came to America, Carlos betrayed you, just like he did when we first got together, and -"

"A year."

Francisco looked back at her, his brown eyes surprised.

"I knew for a year before that moment that you were the love of my life."

A dry laugh escaped her lips, and she swiped the tear that escaped with a brush of her hand. "Believe me, I wish I realized it sooner, but -"

He was looking up at her, expectant, and so, Lidia told him everything she'd felt for so long, everything she'd fought, everything she failed to see.

"When I saw that bullet take you down, my heart stopped. And every single day of your coma, I felt like I couldn't breath properly. Coming to the hospital every day wasn't just for your benefit - if I didn't, I would have lost my mind. I almost did, you know."

She felt his hand gently come to graze her leg, and she smiled for his sake, reminding herself for the hundreth time that he was safe now - that he was okay.

Closing the small space left between them, she threaded her fingers in his hair - soft, always so soft.

"I won't pretend that everything's always been clear, because it hasn't. I'm not - I'm not saying I didn't love Carlos, that everything was a lie. I think I did love him. And I always will, in a way, because he's the father of my child."

Sensing the fear he was trying to hide creeping in, now, she settled down next to him, as close as she could. "But the thing is, no matter the situation, when things weren't clear, when I thought they were and I was with him - I've always needed you."

Lidia chuckled dryly. "I proud myself in being strong, but the truth is, in the worst moments of my life, I -" She sighed. "If you hadn't been there when Eva was taken, I don't think I would have been able to take it, Francisco. I sincerely don't."

Her fingers found his on their bed, and she grabbed him to give herself the courage to go on. _Case in point_, she thought.

But he spoke first, gentle as ever, even if she knew his own words must kill him.

"The fact that you need me doesn't necessarily make me the right person, Lidia." His thumb stroke her skin, letting her know it was okay.

She waited for him to look back at her to continue. "Then you don't realize just how much I need you, mi vida."

He was struggling, she could see it - caught between the words he couldn't dare believe were true, and his eternal need for her to be okay.

She hated herself for making him doubt like this. She loved him even more for doing so.

"I meant what I said all those years ago," and he tilted his head in incomprehension. "Our first night together changed everything for me: if I didn't get pregnant with Eva, I would have gone with you. Without a doubt. But - I thought it was for the best. I wanted her to have a united family."

"And it was the right choice. I'll never resent you for that." She smiled. How typical: of course, he would be reassuring her, even when he was the one hurting.

She brought her other hand to his cheek, the tip of her fingers founding the hard line of his jaw, of his chin. Her eyes went back up to his.

"I know. And that's one of the million reasons why I'm in love with you, Francisco Gomez. With you, and you only. Not because someone else disappointed me, not because I feel like I have to. Not because clearly, you can't live without me," she joked, and he was smiling now, and she realized that she was, too.

"Just because it's you."

His smile was bigger now, so big it reached his ears, and it felt like a weight had been lifted from both her heart and shoulders and stomach at the same time.

At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to kiss him, so she did.

Again, and again, and again, the cold a far away memory as he brought her to him, on him, his hands and lips warming her everywhere.

She really hoped she never got used to this.

When at one point, his dark eyes met hers, she uttered her last words of the night, breathless. "You're my home, Francisco. You're my family. You know that, right?"

The corner of his lips going up in that crooked way that she loved, he closed the distance. "I do now."

And, just like that, the whole world resolved around him, and only him.

* * *

She kissed his nose first. Once, twice. Then, his forehead, his eyebrows. His cheeks, her fingers traveling to his chin before she kissed it, too.

"You missed a spot."

She smiled, nuzzling him as he brought their bodies even closer under the covers.

"Did I?"

"Mh-mm."

Blindly, he reached for her lips, whining lazily when she put her finger between their lips at the last minute.

"You need to open your eyes first."

"I really don't. Look," and she dodged him, chuckling when he flipped her on her back, mumbling something about it not being nice to tease so early in the morning.

He took his time kissing his way down her shoulder and then up again, her whole body squirming with pleasure. When he finally got to her face, he was smiling, his sleepy, beautiful eyes finally opened.

"Now: why so mean, miss Aguilar?"

Drapping her arms around his neck, Lidia brought him close, as close as she could.

"Well, I wanted to ask you something, and it's better if you're not snoring, because I would actually like a response."

"I don't snore, but go on."

Biting her lip, she smiled, her heart pounding.

"Do you want to marry me?"


End file.
